Against the elements

Spring is approaching us fast and the snow drops are Pocking their heads out of the grass and unfortunately the snow drops were also falling fast. A cold, wet, snowy, windy, sleaty Saturday.

The whitelee warriors had done their annual questionnaire and the results were in. There is only two members with testical s. The rest of the girls decided to give the day a miss or try and do a stationary cycle as they watched TV in a nice warm room.

The turbo trainer may have been the better option today as only after 2 minutes from my house my body felt the effects of the elements. Wet from head to toe, cold and could not see through my glasses as I had not purchased the joke ones with the window wipers attached.

I was to meet Ian Hockey at the peel park pub but as I approached he was cycling towards me in the attempt to keep warm. We doubled up and pushed on to Eaglesham. I could feel my left waterproof over shoe filling up with water and slushing every time my foot went round.

Our plan for the day was to hit the hills over the moor as hard as we could then head home via newton merns. The first climb approached us at the cross roads at Eaglesham. My heart rate shot up immediately as we shot up the fist climb. I think Ian panicked a bit, thinking we were going to keep that pace up till the end of the moor but when the climb finished I slowed it down a bit to get my heart rate down a bit only to see Ian pulling away from me and onto the next big climb.

The second climb was hit just as hard and my breathing was irregular with effort but I had to keep Ian in my sights. At this point the weather was not an issue as my mind was just focused on turning my legs to get me up the third climb. The fourth as and final climb on the moor road is the shortest of the climbs and I always attempt it in my large ring knowing I have time to recover before the M77.

We turned right onto the M77 and straight into a head wind which just emphasised the bitter coldness of the sleat. We decided to stick to the road as we did not want to chance our luck with the dreaded P word on the cycle path. Ian had informed me that Tamara his wife was on stand by and had been warned, if we get a P….. We would not be stopping to fix it and would be phoning for a lift.

Half way down the M77 I feared the amount of members with testicals could be down to 1 as I felt my foreskin getting tighter and tighter with the bitter cold wind relentlessly blowing on my manhood and causing my bell end to get strangled by my foreskin. Never felt anything as uncomfortable before and would of happily of urinated to heat my groin up.

As we turned off the M77 we got some shelter from the wind and looked forward to getting home. 1 more wee climb before entering Eaglesham then home.

24 mile , 16.11 mph ave a few feet climbed and some cals burnt. Once in the door my clothes were pealed from me and must of weighed 2 stone with the water contents and my new light was water logged. New tyres ,Vittoria zaffiro worked a treat on the wet and are on sale just now for 8 quid and new saddle, sells Italia felt good.

p.S. first ride I have ever done without eating or drinking a sip.